


rebirth

by ziskandra



Series: red, green, blue [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Comes Back Wrong, Destroy Ending (Mass Effect), Dysfunctional Relationships, Established Relationship, F/F, Passive Suicidal Ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28905474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziskandra/pseuds/ziskandra
Summary: Miranda could bring Shepard back to life again, and again, and again.Shepard isn't sure if that's a promise or a threat.
Relationships: Miranda Lawson/Female Shepard
Series: red, green, blue [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004262
Comments: 12
Kudos: 19
Collections: Bulletproof 20/21





	rebirth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HandmaidenOfHorror](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HandmaidenOfHorror/gifts).



At first there is nothing but the pleasurable state of simply _being_ , like floating in the vastness of space. Everything else comes back in bits and pieces: the shape of the vessel that feels like a cage, trapping the essence inside; the roar of something thundering, unable to be escaped; the soft safety of whatever is _outside._

The pain comes not long after. The concept of pain is familiar: there is the distant memory of being torn asunder, of being carefully rebuilt, recrafted. Right now, though, there is only the sensation of thousands of knives piercing the skin, an unbearable warmth. Later comes the feeling of tubes where they shouldn’t be. Inhuman. Wrong.

_Human._

It had meant something, once.

Light splinters at the edge of consciousness, an assault on the senses. Eyes flickering open unwillingly, a deep and involuntary breath. One of the misplaced tubes rattles. A person’s face shifts in and out of focus – are they crying?

A sound tears itself out from the back of Shepard’s throat, but it feels like it’s come from somewhere deeper. Somewhere like the very core of her existence.

She screams.

*

Her name is Shepard, but she remembers precious little else about her life from before. Miranda, her rescuer, is more than happy to try and fill the gaps, but Shepard can’t help but feel that she’s keeping something hidden from her, some sort of truth too terrible to comprehend. Miranda dotes on her like Shepard imagines a parent must take care of a child. She had seen such relationships in the vids Miranda had shown her. Miranda is so patient, even when Shepard regain the basic skills she must have had once before. Feeding herself. Using the toilet.

Had she ever been so useless?

She’d saved the galaxy multiple times before, or so Miranda had taught her.

Truth be told, Shepard would think that her saviour was exaggerating if it weren’t for the dreams. Every night, she is haunted by them, haunted by that feeling of standing at the precipice of the universe, judging the value of a soul.

*

Miranda had always been careful not to mention _Reapers_ around her, preferring to leave the details of Shepard’s grand deeds vague. But Shepard is growing stronger now, can read again, and sometimes (only sometimes), she can even given her savior-turned-captor the slip.

She manages to connect to the extranet, devours everything she can about the war that had once been waged. It fills in the blanks in her memory, the flashes of images that disappear too quickly, just like her dreams upon waking.

The Reapers had unleashed destruction across the galaxy, and in turn Shepard had condemned them to death. Not only them, though, but every other synthetic species, even the ones she had worked so hard to save only scant months prior.

Armed with her newfound knowledge, she confronts Miranda. “Why did you save me?” Shepard asks, hands shaking.

Miranda’s lips thin. “I did it once. I knew I could do it again.” The _and again_ goes left unsaid.

Shepard still gets the sense there’s something she’s not being told.

All she knows is that she wishes Miranda had let her die, like she deserves. 


End file.
